Charles Harmon

 

Slam Bam Thank You Mayflower Ma'am

 

world’s oldest profession   don’t wanna be confessin’

men decide to take a chance   when they gotta fire in their pants

it’s hard out here for a john   when they want to get it on

it’s even harder for a gal   so she decides to have a pal

but it’s hard here for a pimp   gotta be tough can’t be a wimp

gotta forget about all your fears   give it all your blood sweat and tears

yeah it’s hardest for working girls   while the guys just want some thrills

it’s wasted time for streetwalkers   cause some guys are just talkers

some men take the blue pills   seeking out the cheap thrills  

but there’s psychos who just want to kill   they’re evil and mentally ill

 

it’s living hell out on the street   never knowing just who you’ll meet

it’s the worst for working girls   might get beat up might get killed

but it’s also bad for john’s   they get busted, rolled, played like pawns

yeah it’s hard here for a pimp   specially if they’re a shrimp

but some guys have got money   when they’re looking for some honey

and some girls are so high class   much more than just a piece of ass

they have got the common sense   to go look for high-class gents

they try their lives to freshen   they just have to ask the question

could there be a better way   that can really make it pay?

could they make a rendezvous   find a safer, nicer, cleaner place to screw?

instead of getting it on in a car   or under the table at a bar

instead of a no-tell motel   take your clothes off in a high-class hotel

 

there once was a lady named Sydney   though it sounds like a guy’s name to me

she thought an escort service was safer   than saying prayers and chewing a wafer

she traced her ancestry to the Mayflower   thought her high class gave her power

she made the oldest profession a business model   her customers to mollycoddle

don’t say she’s a prostitute   simply describe her as being astute

the rich and famous were her clients   say what you want they passed for gents

hit the Times as “Mayflower Madam”  when nobody even knew her from Adam

she made it safer to be a hooker   she didn’t nothing wrong—she was just a booker

but the DA disagreed, she had to pay a fine   caught her out wrong place wrong time

some of her customers you would not believe   hope you’re not too much naive

some men say “slam bam, thank you Ma’am”   just before they scream “hot damn!”

with no cops to make them scram   men act like cave men, go wham bam

say wham bam thank you Mayflower Ma’am   just before they scream hot damn!

moral of the story is easy to say    even rich men will pay to play

she got off with a five grand fine   back to doing it all the time

even those of higher class   still are out to get some ass

she found a way to make crime pay   Mayflower Madam all the way!